That article about women regretting motherhood

Listeners/readers, I will be on Morning Air this Thursday to talk about that article at The Cut, “I regret having children.” It’s behind a paywall, but you can look it up. In it, they interview three women who evidently, despite loving their children, regret having them, and long for their former lives. Ho hum.

A lot of Catholic women got their hackles raised about this one. I say - well, of course there are parents who feel this way. Parenting is the single hardest thing you will do in life. It is relentless, it is exhausting, it is expensive, it is disorienting, and it is far from instant gratification. Nothing in life prepares you for the demands of motherhood. And of course, we live in an extremely anti-family society, as evidenced by things like the extreme, even prohibitive, cost of childcare. So no wonder there are women out there, overwhelmed, stuck in the worldview of a secular life, thinking they should be able to “have it all,” unable to even tell what real happiness is, “regretting” their choice.

I’ll be offering a few ways for all of us, those that regret starting a family and those that do not (safe to say, I am in the latter camp, but I can empathize nonetheless) can change perspective and allow ourselves and others a little more grace. You can catch the conversation around 8:20 am eastern this Thursday, March 26. See here all the different options you have for how to listen.

And of course I’ll put it out there that we should all pray that our society and world become more family-friendly - that is what we mean by a “culture of life” - but I admit I do not see that happening any time soon. Nonetheless: we pray.

Latest radio, and an article about doomscrolling

This week I spoke with John Morales on Relevant Radio’s Morning Air program about practical tips for new converts. Why? Well, because once again, various places around the world are seeing record numbers of new Catholics entering the Church this Easter season. Praise God, if that isn’t cause for celebration, I don’t know what would be. But once you’re in - life is different! So I talked about how as a new Catholic, staying faithful involves a combination of continuing to go to Mass every week, have daily prayer, find a Catholic community to be active in, volunteer or give back in some way, and of course, always keep on learning, because you will never learn all there is to know about the faith, or how much God loves us. You can listen to that conversation here.

You may remember I recently was on the show to talk about prayerful alternatives to doomscrolling. Well - I turned that into an article! You can see that at Catholic Stand here. I have also copy/pasted it below.

How is your Lent going? Sacrifices sacrificin’? Prayers for a holy and prudent Lent to all.

Prayerful Alternatives to Doomscrolling

Eliminate the habit of doomscrolling by replacing it with practices that bring you closer to God.

Do you ever find yourself wasting time just before bed looking at your phone? Suddenly, five minutes becomes an hour and you’re more tired and anxious than you were when you began. Thankfully, we all have the power to put down the phone and choose a healthier pre-bed alternative to doomscrolling on our devices.

What is doomscrolling?

“Doomscrolling” is a phrase that became popular in 2020, when the isolating and fearful circumstances of COVID lockdowns drove many people to constantly seek out the news on their phones. And what did they find? Negativity. The more they looked, the more disastrous the world seemed. The more they scrolled, the more worried they became and the more they sought that negative news. You might not yet have kicked this habit, even though those strange days are behind us.

Doomscrolling is a constant, habitual, even addictive seeking out of negative news. I would also add that any type of compulsive, mindless scrolling can become doomscrolling. Shopping, videos, reels, and the plethora of addictive content that keeps us unhappy and emotionally isolated are all types of doomscrolling.

This habit is especially harmful to feed right at the end of the day when our time would be better served relaxing or preparing for rest and the next day.

The best way to eliminate a habit is to replace it with something healthy. Below are a few ways you can end your before-bed doomscrolling.

Put down the phone, pick up the beads

Pray the Rosary! Make a new habit of spending the last half hour before you go to sleep praying the Rosary. You might even need less time than that.

Praying the Rosary before bed provides several benefits. First, the repetitiveness is very calming, which is great for trying to fall asleep. Second, and far more important, you get to bring your needs straight to your Mother in Heaven. You can pray for yourself, for others, for all the things that worry you – all the reasons you may seek out your phone as a numbing distraction, actually. Each Rosary you pray lays a bouquet of spiritual flowers at the feet of Our Lady.

Examine your conscience

The examination of conscience prayer, also called the examen, is a personal review of your day alongside God. You ask yourself and tell God: What went well today? Where did I excel in virtue? Where did I fall short? How do I look forward to doing better tomorrow? The prayer comes from St. Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits and the master of developing self-knowledge through prayer. Never prayed an examen before? You can find all you need to know about it here. This is a profoundly more beneficial way to end one’s day than doomscrolling.

Seek out uplifting content

Rather than searching for news confirming our worst fears or mindless content about people, places, and things that have no actual bearing on our life, spend the time before going to bed reading edifying, uplifting content. Whether you do this the old-fashioned way with a book or by opening up an app and listening to a homily, swap out digital trash for spiritual treasure.

For reading, try a book about the lives of the saints, or, even better, the Bible itself. You could even pick up your church bulletin and see what’s going on in the life of your parish – and ways you can get involved.

For homilies and podcasts, you probably know by now the sky is the limit in terms of available resources online. Many parish priests, with no affiliation to a Catholic media company, even have their homilies online thanks to their own digital-savvy parishioners.

Find out which priests or other spiritual leaders in your diocese have their homilies and talks available. Fill your mind with this good news.

Just go to bed

Last but not least, one final thing you can do at night to break the doomscrolling habit: just go to bed. Your teeth are brushed, you’re all tucked in, the alarm is set, the lunch is packed – nothing is left to do but go to sleep. You do not need to stalk the photos of the person who sat beside you in 6th grade English, or watch a video about marmots, or spend an hour looking at clothes you’re not actually going to buy. Just close your eyes and go to sleep – after a quick prayer of thanks to God for the blessings of the day, of course.

A quicker way to peace of mind

Adopting any of these practices will reduce your anxiety and depression, help you feel calm before bed, and bring you closer to God. Why wait?

Ash Wednesday 2026

Folks, it’s here: Ash Wednesday, the first day of the Lenten season. It is not a holy day of obligation - you do not have to go to Mass or receive ashes - but the fact that many people think it is a holy day of obligation, is a testament to how much we understand the significance and importance of the day. As in, how deeply we feel within ourselves the need for a return to God, for a casting away of all the phoniness we wear throughout the year, which is just what we are called to do during Lent.

Ash Wednesday will always hold a significant place in my life because it is where my journey back to the Catholic Church began. In 2013, I attended Ash Wednesday Mass with some coworkers, at St. Patrick’s Church in the Chinatown/Metro Center neighborhood of Washington, DC. There, the priest remarked on the number of people in the pews and challenged us to come back to daily Mass each week during Lent. I accepted that challenge. I was not a Mass-goer at all, or even practicing the faith. At the same time, in my personal and professional life I was undergoing some dramatic changes which left me brokenhearted and a bit lost. So, going to Mass became a source of solace, and something I wanted more of. From there, I began praying the rosary. From there, I enrolled in RCIA. From there, I started this blog, began writing and speaking - and, well, here we are. God be praised!

The really interesting thing about Lent, to me, is how different it is for each person. A few years ago I wrote an article where I interviewed numerous people about how they were observing Lent - what they were giving up, how they were praying, and so on. The answers were wildly different, from giving up getting manicures and having their house professionally cleaned, to praying as a family, to giving up caffeine, writing handwritten notes to loved ones, and more. And if you read through those ideas you may think, “That’s easy!” or “How would that even help me?” or “That’s too hard.” But for the person who chose that sacrifice, it was what they needed. It goes to show that we are all in our own place in our journey in the faith, and, further, that comparison is not useful in the spiritual life (or, one could argue, ever).

Lastly, if you have not seen it, Pope Leo suggested we all abstain from harsh words and rash judgement this Lent. An excellent reminder that Lenten sacrifices need not even be physical or material. I will be taking his recommendation to heart.

Actually, I’ll throw in one last note: chances are your diocese is running its Bishop’s Lenten Appeal right now. Do give. The Church does so much for us, and so much for people we never see, it is our calling to support that. Though, as today’s Ash Wednesday gospel reminds us, you don’t need to go trumpet your giving, either (from the desire of being praised, deliver me, o Jesus…”).

Remember that, as St. Theresa of Calcutta said, God calls us not to be successful, but to be faithful. I would take that further and say, all that we have, create, and succeed in, is God’s doing, anyway. May our Lenten sacrifices and disposition reflect this trust in God, and belief in the right and true order of things.