Thoughts on "Conquering the Quarter Life Crisis"

Fr. James Searby at St. Charles Borromeo in Arlington recently gave a talk called "Conquering the Quarter Life Crisis," which you can listen to here. I recommend listening to the whole thing, it's only about half an hour.

When I listened to the talk it actually appeared more to me to be a meditation on the general timeless human condition of searching for one's meaning and purpose, no matter your age, as opposed to solely the crisis that hits us in our twenties. 

There are lots of good pieces to the talk, but one element in particular I want to think about is the idea of earthly good vs. eternal good. It is as in Matthew 6:19-21: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I remind myself of this notion when I begin to feel envious of what others have (particularly materially) or that I'm not where I'm "supposed" to be professionally or otherwise. As if such a thing exists. Instead I should be asking myself, Am I serving God and doing good for others? That's it. That's all I need to ask myself. Ah, but on earth, these are not the questions we are programmed to ask.

Fr. Searby says we must phrase it this way: "What must I do to inherit eternal life, not what must I do to be happy on earth?" But the things that fall under the "what makes me happy on earth column" seem so immediate, and those under the "eternal life" column so remote, that it's as if I have to rewire my brain. I don't know if it ever gets easier, or at least that one's vigilance can ever let up, through the course of all of life.

His solution is, "Don't do the things that wound you. Get rid of them, whatever they might be," because, "We can be creators of our own darkness." This is so utterly true, and I need look no further than the fact that some mornings I wake up sad - in my beautiful bed, in my wonderful apartment, before going to the best job I ever had in one of the most exciting cities on the planet. Creators of our own darkness, indeed. 

It takes no great investigation to see that I have everything I need, and more, materially speaking, in this life. And of course the other side of that is that I have everything spiritually, too, if I am willing to accept it. The thing that gets me is how hard it can be to deny oneself things. My ego says, "I deserve a vacation, a designer handbag and brunch every weekend" but the part of me that seeks eternal life, and true meaning, says, but it still won't make you happy.

What am I getting at it? I suppose just that this struggle has been loud in me recently. I want always to do God's will, yet truly find it one of the most challenging things to humble myself to accept his will (which, by the way, does not include vacations, designer anything or even really brunch these days). So, accept it. Do away with the things that will bring darkness - with envy for things, with the pride of knowledge, with vanity over one's appearance, in order to get closer to Christ. Oh, but it is so much easier said than done.

So we return to the topic of true faith, because to get along in life, and to really believe that treasure in heaven is the only real treasure that matters, one must have faith. Everything on earth tells us that earth is it, the final stopping point in this universe, the highest and most important place to exist. Money, power and position are what matter and any thought of a great beyond is perhaps an afterthought. So to believe in what is not immediately visible - which may be invisible for much of one's life - is a tall order. But trust and do good all the same, and in that manner one must persist, building up virtues and love to present to Our Lord when it is time. I believe this, yes. I just wish it were easier. But then, that's not the point of life. And perhaps even in living this struggle to choose correctly, we get closer to God.

New Verily article

Earlier this month a second article I wrote for Verily was published, titled "10 Unexpectedly Romantic Honeymoon Destinations for Every Travel Style." It's gotten over 900 shares, which is wonderful! Go check 'er out!

Allocutio 3-23-16: Radical Jesus

I have been thinking so much of the Jesus of contradictions. Not that what he says contradicts himself, but how his teachings contradict the material of our world. Poverty is wealth, humility is strength, serving is leading. I wrote an allocutio on the topic; I have many more thoughts on this and may expand on them in the future, but for the little time I will have tomorrow to speak on them, this is where my thoughts begin:

Ch. 32: Objections Which May be Made Here; Part 10: “I fear possible indiscretions on the part of the members.”

“The harvest at stake is souls.” These are serious words from our founder, Frank Duff. This particular passage from the handbook is heavy with imagery that drives home how strongly he felt that potential “indiscretions” are indeed a flimsy cause for staying away from the Legion or not opening a praesidium. He asks: why throw out an entire harvest at the prospect of a few bad ears of corn?

To me, the most striking image is that of Jesus desiring his house to be filled with the blind and lame. “The harvest at stake is souls: souls, poor and feeble and blind and lame: in such need, in such numbers that there is a danger that one may accept the situation as irremediable. Yet it is for such that the Lord bids search to be made in the streets and lanes and highways and hedges, so that his house may be filled with them.” This references Luke 14:21-23, the parable wherein the wealthy man, finding no one “respectable” wants to come to his banquet, orders his servant to bring in undesirable people from near and far to partake, instead:

“Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, ‘Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame. ‘Sir,’ the servant said, ‘what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.’ Then the master told his servant, ‘Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in, so that my house will be full.’” The owner of the house is of course representative of Jesus, who welcomes all, especially the poor, lame, or otherwise unwanted, to his house, with a special place of honor. It is not even enough that the poor come from nearby, but he asks the servant to leave, get out of his comfort zone, and really seek out those who are lost and by themselves at the outer edges of their world.

Can you imagine anyone you know – particularly yourself – doing this? Can you imagine anyone in real life (except for maybe Pope Francis) inviting the sick and feeble into their home for dinner, to take the place of honor?

During this Lent, we have been reading Matthew Kelly’s book, “Rediscover Jesus” and have been trying to understand how radical Jesus was. There is no one and no thing quite like him. He takes everything we know to be normal or acceptable and turns it on its head. A great place to see this is in the beatitudes, particularly in those lines that draw a contrast between what we expect and what Jesus tells us, like that the meek shall inherit the earth. Not the wealthy, not the brave, not the loud or successful, but the meek. Just this past Sunday in the gospel we hear Jesus tells us, “Let the greatest among you be the youngest, and the leader as the servant.” It’s popular now in corporate leadership trainings to hear of the concept of the “servant-leader,” but before Jesus, no such thing existed. He is the ultimate servant-leader.

I bring all this up because I think if we really want to understand Jesus’s teachings and be close to him, this concept of opposites and the unexpected must be internalized. We have to ask ourselves – what is true wealth? What is true wisdom, true leadership, true success, to us? What, really, in life, is guaranteed, if what we think is necessary and valuable really is, in fact, meaningless? How often are we taking our comfort and safety for granted, and when they are gone, what do we do – how do we really respond? So underneath all of these questions is one big one, which is: how much do you really trust Jesus with your life? Can you truly say, “Jesus, I trust in you,” and place your life in his hands, no matter what you experience?

There are awful things happening in the world. This week we saw yet another terrorist attack in Europe. Even without that type of global uncertainty, no element of our day-to-day lives is guaranteed. We have just the amount of time God has given us, and no one knows how much that time is. Everything eventually passes away. As Lent draws to a close, now is the perfect time to take an internal check of where you are in your relationship with Jesus. Have you given everything to him? Have you accepted that walking with Jesus means embracing the unknown and relying fully on him when the unexpected occurs? Following Jesus means living in a manner radically different from that which the modern world tells us is right. This is fine! This is all good, because true wealth is not measured by the number of rich and famous people you invite to your table, but by the number of poor and outcast you call your friends. How blessed we are in the Legion to, week after week, meet these true friends of Jesus and take them into our hearts. It is as Frank Duff said – there are souls at stake. But it is not just the souls of those we meet, but our own souls, too.