Praying the Truth
Laura DeMaria
During Lent I read William A. Barry, SJ’s, Praying the Truth. From the back of the book:
The thought of being wholly honest with God can be a scary thought indeed. After all, it’s daunting enough for us to be completely truthful with our closest friends and family members. If we were to tell God the truth about everything in our lives - and about everything in our hearts and minds - God’s reaction might be too much for us to bear…
This is true. No matter how much we may tell ourselves “God, I give you all!” chances are, there is some way we hold back, or change the truth slightly, so it is more palatable for God, or really, for ourselves. This is done out of fear - of rejection, of our pride being hurt, of falling short of an imaginary standard, and so on.
I think about when I was very little and heard in Sunday school that I had to love God with my whole heart. And, knowing God read my thoughts, I remember thinking, “God! I really do love you with my whole heart!” and hoped he believed me. But it wasn’t true, because I didn’t know God, and was actually scared of Him.
As adults, there is absolutely the same tendency toward keeping things to oneself, or presenting a sanitized version of what we are experiencing, before God. This may be particularly true of Catholics, as we are presented with many examples of pious and holy people in the saints. Saints really seem to know how to pray, don’t they? And I think, yes, Jesus, if you’ll just believe me, really I want to abandon myself to your will as much as St. Therese did. I really mean it!
It’s as if there is a sense that if we show God our shortcomings, he will take His love away.
As Fr. Barry writes, God’s love is unconditional. Until we can be fully truthful with God, we will not experience that unconditional love. How can we, if our own fear stands in the way?
Further, God desires friendship with us very much, and honesty is the bedrock of friendship. And, as Fr. Barry writes, “God is not so much interested in giving me marching orders as in our friendship.”
Fr. Barry invites the reader to examine the places in our own lives where we may be holding back - your anger and rage, your fears, your attractions, your sadness, your sins. He presents the image of Jesus speaking to the two disciples of John the Baptist, “What are you looking for?” (John 1:38) Your spontaneous response - not your crafted, careful response - is what you desire. Always present this to God. He can handle it.
This was an excellent book to read during Lent, and it is one I will return to in the future to be reminded of the truth of how God views me, and the part I play in bringing myself to Him fully in prayer.
In prayer, the truth really will set you free.